From the very beginning, my son completely refused to sit on the potty. The moment I tried to place him on the small training toilet, he would kick, yell, scream, and fight with everything he had. It wasn’t just resistance, he seemed genuinely distressed.

I initially wondered if he was afraid of the flushing sound. To find out, I removed the lid from the toilet tank and showed him how the toilet worked. He loved watching the water fill the tank and seeing all the parts move when he flushed. Before long, he was flushing the toilet over and over just to watch it work. That told me the sound wasn’t the problem.

Like most parents, we tried everything we could think of. We offered rewards, praised every small step, bought potty charts, and even tried candy and stickers. Nothing interested him. He simply had no desire to sit on the toilet or pee while sitting down. After weeks of frustration, we decided to take a break because I think we both needed time to reset.

A few weeks later, while getting him ready for a bath, I accidentally discovered what had been bothering him all along. I was waiting for the bathwater to warm up, so I sat on the toilet with the lid closed. I picked him up and sat him on my lap, making sure his bare bottom touched the toilet seat. He immediately jumped up and said, “I don’t like the cold seat!” At that moment, everything clicked. It wasn’t the toilet or the flushing sound. It was simply the cold seat.

That night, I searched Amazon looking for anything that might make the toilet more comfortable. I found a soft, fluffy toilet seat cover that was almost the exact same color and texture as his favorite blanket. I know it probably sounds a little strange, and yes, a fluffy toilet seat isn’t the most sanitary option. However, at that point I wasn’t worried about appearances. I was looking for anything that would help my son feel comfortable.

When the seat cover arrived, something incredible happened. He willingly sat on the toilet. There was no screaming, no kicking, and no tears. It wasn’t a miracle cure, but it was our first real breakthrough.

The toilet seat cover that worked for us: https://a.co/d/07yPZ2mS

If your child has sensory sensitivities, especially to cold or unfamiliar textures, this may be worth trying. Every child is different, but this simple change made a tremendous difference for our son.

The next challenge was getting him to actually pee while sitting on the toilet. I quickly realized that traditional potty training rewards were not motivating enough. Candy didn’t interest him. Stickers meant nothing. We needed something much more meaningful. I let him pick out several toys that he truly wanted and kept them hidden where he couldn’t reach them. Every time he successfully peed while sitting on the toilet, he earned one of those toys. I know some people may think that sounds excessive, but I wasn’t trying to save money. I was trying to teach my son one of the most important life skills he would ever learn. If a small toy helped him make that connection, then it was worth every penny.

We have to find what motivates our own child, even if it looks different from traditional potty training advice. I allowed the fluffy seat for about 2 weeks, then I told him I had to throw it out because it fell inside when I went poo. He was upset, but by this time he was used to sitting down and peeing.

Bowel movements were still a completely different challenge, one that would take several more years to overcome.

Looking back now, I realize every small victory mattered. Helping him feel comfortable sitting on the toilet, understanding his sensory needs, and finding the right motivation became the foundation for everything that came later. If there is one thing I hope you take away from this chapter, it is that sometimes the biggest breakthroughs come from the smallest observations. Slow progress is still progress, and every step forward is worth celebrating.

Once we had peeing in the toilet during the day down, I decided it was time to tackle nighttime training. My son loved his Ninja brand nighttime pull-ups, so one evening I simply told him, “They don’t make these anymore.” There was no big discussion or negotiation. That was the end of nighttime diapers.

From that point on, our bedtime routine became simple: brush your teeth, pee before bed, then go to sleep.

The first few nights were rough. There were a few accidents, wet pajamas, soaked bedsheets, and middle-of-the-night sheet changes. He hated waking up wet and cold, and honestly, so did I. It wasn’t fun for either of us. He knew mom was not happy.

Fortunately, after those first few difficult nights, something clicked. He stopped asking for nighttime diapers altogether. Looking back, I think one of the biggest reasons it worked was because we stayed consistent. Once we said the diapers were gone, we never brought them back.

Even after that, he still had an occasional nighttime accident. Usually, he would tell me, “I didn’t feel like I had to go.” I reminded myself that these were accidents, not something he was choosing to do. Children can sleep very deeply or have difficulty recognizing their body’s signals during the night.

If your child has an accident, try not to scold or punish them. They are probably already uncomfortable, embarrassed, and exhausted. Simply clean them up, reassure them that accidents happen, and move on. Staying calm helped my son much more than frustration ever did.

After my son mastered peeing on the toilet and no longer needed nighttime diapers, I thought we had reached the hardest part of potty training. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Teaching him to poop on the toilet became the biggest challenge of our entire journey. I remember asking doctors and therapists when children with high-functioning autism typically become fully potty trained. Several told me that many children on the spectrum don’t consistently poop on the toilet until around age nine. Hearing that felt overwhelming. Nine years old seemed like an eternity.

My son would only poop in a diaper. He wasn’t asking for one because he wanted to be babied, it was simply the only way he felt comfortable. He would get the diaper himself, put it on independently, walk into the bathroom, close the door, and squat down to poop. Although he insisted on wearing a diaper, he also insisted on having privacy. Rather than forcing him to sit on the toilet without a diaper, we decided to take baby steps. Our first goal was simply getting him to sit on the toilet while still wearing the diaper. We left the toilet lid open, gave him his iPad to help him relax, and let him sit for as long as he needed. Sometimes he sat there for an hour. Every diaper change and all clean up happened in the bathroom so he continued making the connection between bowel movements and the toilet. It took about a year before he became comfortable sitting on the toilet with the diaper on. Looking back, that was a huge accomplishment, even though at the time it felt like we weren’t making much progress. We tried to cut a hole in the diaper and that was a mistake. He was upset and said that was a scam and threw it out. He then checked the diapers each time he pooped.

Every school break, we thought it would be the perfect opportunity to remove the diaper completely. We figured there was no pressure from school, and if accidents happened, we would be home. During our first attempt, he held his bowel movement for seven days. By day four, he was sick not eating, lethargic, and nauseous. By the fifth day, his doctor recommended to give him Miralax, which has no taste, along with Dulcolax. He definitely did not like the taste of the Dulcolax. At the time, I didn’t realize the medication could take a couple of days to work. By day seven, we were at the ER and his doctor reminded me that his health had to come first and that holding his stool for that long could eventually lead to much bigger medical problems. After we got home from the ER, the medication finally worked. I gave him a diaper because my priority had shifted from potty training to relieving the blockage. Once everything started moving, he had diarrhea and needed to go several times, but every bowel movement was still in a diaper. It felt like we had gotten so close, but we weren’t there yet.

The next school break, we tried again. This time, he held his bowel movement for ten days. We found ourselves right back where we had started. Because school was about to begin again, I finally gave him a diaper, and he immediately used it. I remember being amazed that he could hold his bowel movement for that long and still seem completely fine. That experience taught me something important. My son wasn’t being stubborn or trying to be difficult. He simply wasn’t ready, and he was completely committed to holding it until he got what made him feel safe.

After that, I decided to stop forcing the issue. Sometimes as parents we want something so badly that we push harder, thinking it will finally click. In our case, it only created more stress and anxiety. I accepted that he wasn’t ready, and we waited.

The following summer, I decided it was time to try again. By then, several things had changed. I was working from home full time, we had moved into a new house, and my son had started at a new school (2nd grade). One of the school psychologists gave me advice that I still think about today. She encouraged me not to avoid talking about using the toilet. My son showed avoidant behaviors whenever the topic came up, so instead of avoiding the subject, she suggested bringing it up casually from time to time to help reduce some of the anxiety surrounding it.

I didn’t constantly remind him or pressure him. Instead, I looked for natural moments to encourage him. Sometimes I would simply say, “You’re getting to be such a big boy. Before you’re eight years old, I know you’re going to poop on the toilet.” I wanted him to hear those words with confidence, not pressure. My hope was that if he heard them often enough, he would eventually begin to believe them himself.

When summer finally arrived, I decided we were going to try one last time. Before we started, I reassured my son that although he wouldn’t be wearing a diaper anymore, I would still help him wipe. I wanted him to know that not everything was changing at once. He wasn’t losing my help, we were simply taking the next step together.

Just like before, I explained that there were no more diapers. We had done this countdown before, and once again I reminded him that this was it. Four days went by, and he still hadn’t had a bowel movement. I finally looked at him and said, “We have a long summer, but you can’t hold your poop for 60 days, and we’re not making another trip to the emergency room.” I had accepted that this was going to be another difficult battle, but I wasn’t giving up.

Over the years, I had saved a few special prizes that he had asked for. Some of them had been sitting in my closet for a couple of years because I had promised he could have them when he finally pooped on the toilet. I wasn’t even sure he still wanted them, so I asked him to make a new wish list. We ordered a few things from Amazon, and I also took him to Target where I let him choose four items. He was allowed to keep one that day, but I explained that the others would stay in the car. Every time he pooped on the toilet, he would earn one. By this point, I knew that high-value rewards were what motivated my son. Stickers and candy had never worked for him.

Over the next few days, he really tried. He sat on the toilet for what felt like forever. He cried, told me he couldn’t do it, and became overwhelmed. There were several behaviors because he wanted to go, but he just couldn’t make himself do it. Every time he became upset, I reminded him that it was okay. We didn’t have to force it. We hugged, took a break, and tried again later. I also focused on giving him high-fiber fruits and foods to help keep things moving.

Then he surprised me. He looked at me and said, “Can I have Miralax? I’d rather that makes me go than go on my own.” I still don’t know if it was fear, anxiety, or simply wanting to stay in control. Since he had already been holding his bowel movement for several days and was becoming very constipated, I gave him one dose of Miralax.

After our trip home from Target, we waited. He spent what felt like forever sitting in the bathroom. Then, after years of diapers, tears, frustration, setbacks, doctor’s appointments, and even trips to the emergency room, it finally happened. He pooped on the toilet without a diaper.

There are moments in life you never forget, and this was one of them. I thanked God, hugged my son, and celebrated one of the biggest milestones our family had ever reached. It didn’t happen with a magic trick or a perfect potty training method. It happened because we never stopped believing he would get there, even when the progress was painfully slow.

The most amazing part was what happened afterward. Once he realized he could do it, he never asked for a diaper again. Today, he doesn’t hold his bowel movements anymore. Instead, he’ll tell me, “My stomach hurts,” grab his iPad, and head to the bathroom. I still help him wipe, and that’s okay. Independence doesn’t happen all at once. Our next goal is teaching him to wipe and flush independently. He gets easily grossed out, so we’re taking it one step at a time, just like we’ve done throughout this entire journey.

If you’re reading this because your child refuses to poop on the toilet, I hope our story gives you hope. There were so many times I cried, questioned myself, and wondered if this day would ever come. Looking back, I’m so grateful we didn’t give up. Every child develops on their own timeline, especially children with high-functioning autism. Sometimes they simply need more time, a different approach, and a parent who believes in them even when progress seems impossible. If your child isn’t there yet, don’t lose hope. Celebrate every small victory, stay consistent, and remember that slow progress is still progress. One day, you may find yourself celebrating a breakthrough that once felt impossible.